What to do about a mean anonymous message

Most messages people get are kind, funny or curious. But anonymity lowers the cost of being cruel, and sooner or later a lot of people get one that stings. If that's just happened to you, here's what to do.

First: it's not about you

A cruel anonymous message says far more about the sender than about you. People who write them are often bored, jealous or hurting, and they chose anonymity because they wouldn't say it to your face. That doesn't make it hurt less, but it's worth remembering before you decide what it means.

Step by step

1. Don't reply straight away. A reply in the heat of the moment is what a lot of senders want. Close the app, take a breath, come back later.
2. Take a screenshot if it's threatening or you think you might need to show someone.
3. Block the sender. Open the conversation and block them, and their messages stop reaching you. You never learn who they are, so they can't use it to start a fight.
4. Report it if it's harassment, a threat, sexual, or spam. Reports go to us to review, with a copy of the recent messages, and we can remove content, close conversations or suspend accounts.
5. Delete it. Deleting a conversation removes it for both of you. You don't have to keep reading it.
6. Talk to someone you trust. A friend, family member, or anyone who'll take it seriously. Hurtful things lose a lot of their weight once they're said out loud.

If someone is threatening you

If a message threatens your safety or someone else's, take it seriously:

• Screenshot it, then report the conversation with the reason "threat".
• Tell someone you trust in person.
• If you think you're in danger, contact the police or emergency services where you live.

Being anonymous to you doesn't put anyone beyond the law. Where we believe someone is in serious danger, we may contact the relevant authorities.

Stopping it happening again

You have several controls, all in Settings:

• Pause your link. Nobody can send new messages until you resume it. Good for a breather, or until a pile-on dies down.
• Check everyone. By default, senders are only checked when something looks automated. Turn on Check everyone, under Safety, and every sender has to pass a quick check that they're a person. It slows spam right down.
• Block words, with Plus. Add the words and phrases you don't want to see, and messages containing them go to your Filtered folder instead of your inbox. Senders are warned when their message contains one, and anyone who keeps sending them anyway is paused for a while.
• Change your modes. If Roast me or Honest opinion attracts the wrong crowd, switch those modes off and keep the friendlier ones.
• Share your link more narrowly. A link in a close-friends story gets a very different audience from one in a public bio.

Don't post it

It's tempting to share a nasty message to your story to show people what you're dealing with. Usually it backfires: it gives the sender the audience they wanted, and invites others to join in. If you want support, message friends directly instead.

If you're the one who sent it

If you sent something you regret, you can leave the conversation, which removes your access to it. Better still, if the conversation is still open, send a genuine apology. Our guide to being a good sender has more on getting it right next time.

When it's more than one message

If you're being targeted again and again, or it's spilled over from other apps or into real life, that's bullying. Keep screenshots, block and report each sender, pause your link, and tell someone who can help.