How to send anonymous messages people are glad to get

An anonymous message can make someone's whole day: a compliment they'll screenshot, a question they love answering, a confession that makes them smile. It can also stick with them for weeks. The difference is mostly down to a few choices you make before tapping send.

Ask yourself three questions

Before sending, read your message back and ask:

1. Would I be okay with them knowing it was me? Not that they will, but if the answer is no, think about why.
2. Is it about them, or about someone else? Messages about other people's secrets, relationships or bodies aren't yours to send.
3. Would this hurt if it came from a stranger? If it only works because they'd assume it's a friend joking, it might not land how you think.

Messages people love getting

• Specific compliments. "You explained that so well in the meeting" beats "you're smart".
• Thank-yous for things they might not know they did.
• Real questions you'd like the answer to. See 80 questions to ask someone anonymously.
• Confessions about yourself: the harmless secret, the old crush, the thing you never said. See confessions.
• Encouragement before a big day: an exam, a match, a performance, a move.

Honest without being harsh

Sometimes you want to say something hard: feedback, a worry, a disagreement. Anonymity can make that easier. A few tips:

• Talk about what happened, not who they are. "That comment in the group chat hurt" is easier to hear than "you're so rude".
• Say why it matters. "I'm saying this because I care about the group" changes how it's read.
• Leave room for their side. Ask a question rather than handing down a verdict.
• One point per message. A list of grievances reads as an attack.

What's not okay

Our terms don't allow threats, harassment or bullying, sexual content involving anyone under 18, sharing someone's private information, impersonating a real person to deceive, or spam. Link owners can block and report anyone, and we review reports.

Being anonymous to the person you message doesn't put you beyond the law. Don't send anything you wouldn't want to have to explain.

When they reply

On DropAsecret, your message starts a conversation. If they reply, you can answer, and it stays anonymous. A few habits help:

• Match their energy. A short reply probably means they're not up for a long chat.
• Don't push for a reveal. If you want them to know who you are, mutual reveal lets either of you ask, but only a yes from both shows anything.
• Take a no as a no. If they ask you to stop, stop.

Small things that make a big difference

• Read it once before sending. A typo can turn a compliment into a puzzle.
• One good message beats ten quick ones. A flood of messages, however nice, feels like pressure.
• Mind the hour. Something heartfelt sent at three in the morning can read very differently by daylight.
• Don't send anything while angry. Write it, wait an hour, and see if you still want to.
• Be the message you'd want to get. If it would make your day, it'll probably make theirs.

If you got it wrong

Everyone sends something they regret eventually. If it's still possible, send an apology in the same conversation: short, specific and without excuses. If they've blocked you, accept it. That's their call to make.