Anonymous confessions: ideas, and where to draw the line

Confessions are the heart of anonymous messaging: the thing you've wanted to say, said without your name on it. Done well, they're funny, sweet, or a relief to get off your chest. Done badly, they hurt people. Here's how to do them well.

What makes a good confession

A good confession is about you. It's something you did, felt or thought, told to the person it matters to:

• "I still have your hoodie from last summer."
• "I joined the club because you were in it."
• "I've been pretending to like that band for two years."
• "I was the one who finished the cake at your birthday."
• "I copied your style for a whole term and you never noticed."
• "You inspired me to apply for the course I'm doing now."
• "I laughed at your joke in class and then thought about it all day."
• "I was so nervous the first time I talked to you that I forgot my own name."
• "I've wanted to say sorry about that argument for months."
• "I think about the advice you gave me nearly every week."

Notice that none of these are about anyone else, and none of them need a reply. That's what makes them easy to send and nice to get.

Confessions that aren't yours to make

Some things feel like confessions but are really someone else's secret:

• Other people's private lives. Who someone likes, who they've dated, their health, their family. If they didn't tell you to pass it on, don't.
• Rumours. "Everyone knows that…" is gossip, and anonymity just makes it harder to correct.
• Anything that could get someone into serious trouble at school, at work or at home.
• Details that identify a third person who never agreed to be part of it.

Our terms don't allow sharing someone's private information without their consent, and being anonymous to the person you message doesn't put you beyond the law.

When you're the one receiving confessions

If you turn on the Confessions mode, people will tell you things. A few habits help:

• Say what you'll do with them. "I'll post my favourites, names hidden" sets expectations.
• Share carefully. Before posting a confession to your story, ask: could this identify the sender, or someone else? The share screen lets you hide any letter of a message. Use it.
• Don't hunt for the sender. Guessing out loud in your story can embarrass someone who trusted you.
• Take the heavy ones seriously. If someone confesses they're struggling, reply privately and kindly, and point them to someone who can help. Don't post it.
• Use your controls. Delete what isn't a confession at all, block repeat offenders, and pause your link if it turns into a pile-on.

Confessing something big

Sometimes a confession is the start of something: an apology, a feeling, a truth you've been carrying. A few thoughts:

• Anonymous is a good first step, not always the last. On DropAsecret the conversation can continue, and if you both want to, mutual reveal lets you say who you are.
• Write it once, read it twice. You can't unsend a message.
• Be ready for any response, including none.

Prompts for a confessions night

If you want to run one on your link, try a Drop with one of these:

• "Confess something harmless you've never admitted."
• "Tell me your most embarrassing moment this year."
• "What's a nice thing you've never said to me?"
• "Confess your most controversial food opinion."