How to tell your crush anonymously

Telling someone you like them is terrifying. Telling them anonymously takes some of the fear out: they get to hear it, you get to see how they react, and nobody's put on the spot. Here's how to do it in a way that's sweet, not strange.

Start with something real

The best crush messages are specific. "You're cute" could be from anyone about anyone. Something you've actually noticed shows you see them:

• "Your laugh is my favourite sound in that whole building."
• "You were so kind to the new person last week. I noticed."
• "I sit two rows behind you and your playlist recommendations have changed my life."
• "The way you talk about your work makes me want to care about things that much."
• "You looked so happy on Sunday. It made my day."

Keep it short. One or two sentences says more than a paragraph.

What not to write

• Anything about their body. It comes across as creepy, not flattering, especially from someone they can't see.
• Pressure. "Reply or I'll be sad" or "you have to guess who I am" puts a weight on them they didn't ask for.
• Clues that are really hints at who you are, unless you're ready for them to work it out.
• Lots of messages in a row. One good message is charming. Ten is a lot.

Read the reply

Their response tells you a lot:

• Curious and warm ("Who is this? 😳"): they're intrigued. Keep the conversation going.
• Polite but brief ("Aw, thank you"): they appreciated it. Leave it there for now.
• Uncomfortable ("Please don't"): stop. That's an answer.

On DropAsecret your message starts a conversation, so you can talk more without revealing anything. See how replies work.

Going from anonymous to real

When the conversation is going well and you're both curious, you can ask to reveal. With mutual reveal, your name only shows if you both say yes, and the other person isn't told if you decline. They can ask too.

Some tips:

• Don't ask straight away. Let the conversation build first.
• Say why. "I'd love to tell you who I am. Would you like to know?" is gentler than a bare request.
• If they say no, respect it. They might not be ready, or they might not be interested. Either way, keep it kind.

If you'd rather tell them in person

An anonymous message can be a warm-up. Some people send one, see the reaction, and then find the courage to say it face to face. That's a perfectly good way to use it.

If it doesn't go the way you hoped

Sometimes the reply is polite and nothing more, or there's no reply at all. That's not a verdict on you: they might be seeing someone, not ready, or just not feeling it. You said something brave, and you said it kindly. Let it rest, don't send a string of follow-ups, and carry on as normal when you see them. Plenty of good friendships have survived a crush that wasn't returned.

If you're on the receiving end

Getting a crush message is flattering, even if you don't feel the same. You don't owe anyone a reply or a reveal. If you're curious, ask a question back. If you're not interested, a short, kind reply, or none, is fine. And if someone keeps going after you've said no, block them.